For dads and partners
You cannot heal her body and you may not be able to (breast)feed the baby. But you are a key part of baby's life and getting involved early is the best way to build that bonding.
Start with tonightHow it works
Fourth can see how the day has unfolded through tracked feeds, sleeps and diapers. We can suggest tactical ways of how to help (along with suggestions) so you can take the (mental) load off her.
She pumped at 2:23 PM. Clean parts before the next one keeps her from doing it herself.
Wet diaper
Fed 18 min, left
Pumped 20 min
Nap window
Feed likely
Tonight
You might not feel natural at these, but you're all in this journey together.
One uninterrupted four-hour stretch does more for her recovery than anything else. Sleep deprivation impacts supply (and mental health). Ask mom if she's cool with you giving a bottle for the evening feed and then handle the diaper change and settling.
The 2 weeks postpartum are some of the most dangerous for moms. Pay attention to her bleeding, pain levels and blood pressure if she's tracking. She might be too tired to notice when things are not normal.
Insurance, scheduling with the pediatrician's office, getting a lactation appointment, and checking bills. Taking the admin burden off her plate is heroic, truly.
Protein, iron and hydration and lots of it. If she's breastfeeding her body is extra prone to depletion. You don't have to be a chef but Nell can help you come up with easy recipes for soups, snacks and protein rich meals to help her stay nourished and balanced.
Visits can be joyful, and also burdensome. Help her manage friends, and especially family, by setting expectations with visitors in advance about responsibilities, meals and hygiene.
Your identity changed too but it's celebrated only quietly.
You were back at work in two weeks and somebody called it a break.
There are things you physically cannot do, and it is hard to feel useful sometimes.
You didn't read all the books she read, but you still want to know how best to help.
You tried to schedule the pediatrician appointment but they kept asking for mom's contact info.
You hear about postpartum anxiety, depression, and rage, and aren't sure how best to support and care for her.
None of that makes you a bad partner. It makes you a person going through something enormous with no script for it, in a system that's still evolving to really recognize dad.
Your own thread
She is healing, feeding, and running on very little sleep. Bring your questions to Nell instead. Ask what would help and Nell turns it into one thing to do, with the how included, based on what the household has actually logged.
She seems pretty annoyed. What can I actually do tonight?
Take the 2am feed. It looks like Maya has been pumping so make sure that bottle is okay to give, and reassure her it'll be good bonding for you and baby.
She sets up Fourth Health and invites you. From there you can see what is happening, log what you did, and ask what she needs without asking her.